You are your first teacher. One often hears that mantra while practicing yoga. Listen and you'll hear. Really, one could apply that theory to any sacred path of loving self inquiry and healing, not only yoga. I tend to find that when universal lessons cross paths, that sense of self-love/trust spells truth. Perhaps the answer lies not in a specific religion or practice or teacher or guru. Perhaps the answer always has and always does lie within.
And, while I'm always a staunch advocate of seeking mentors, therapists, religious leaders or gurus for support and guidance -- I also encourage to seek with caution and continue to listen to your own voice. Extremes tend to be, well, a little extreme. The middle of the road tends to feel less threatening, less toxic, a whole lot more grounded, and that's why I am writing.
Last summer, I hurt my wrist and am now unable to freely do some yoga postures. Around the same time, I greatly became aware of the power of my belly to hold my emotions -- some emotions I didn't really acknowledge, but oh yeah, they existed and slyly settled in my belly. Some people say the belly is the seat of the soul. So, when one experiences life, as we all do and are handed unique challenges, sometimes our bodies let us know quite loudly. Okay, so that translates to nervous bowel tendencies. I need not share anymore details with you, dear readers.
Then, about six months ago, my knees. Oh, the discomfort behind my patellas, after running downhills or after a weight workout, or frankly, maybe after too many Warriors. My knees just told me to stop. I couldn't pound away, or even get too excited, in a step class anymore. And, Cathe videos? Forget it.
Okay, so after a few life changing events and getting settled into some new (and lovely) changes, to define my own sense of FLOW Training, I cut back on teaching step classes, I forbid myself to run downhill when I chose to run here and there, and I basically stuck to walking and yoga. I've felt fine joint-wise and okay/average belly-bowel-wise, and backed off exercise that irritated my body, but I still wondered if the inflammation of my joints and belly were connected. Deep down I knew.
When the opportunity arose to a meet with a certain "body expert" visiting Atlanta, I signed up. He told me what I already knew in the inflammation department -- that my inflammation in my belly was related to my joints. And, listen, a medical doctor might disagree, but from an energy standpoint and knowing myself and how I can push, or better yet how I used to push, East meets West. Residual effects of "fire" (or just fiery or excitable or compulsive inner energy) can settle in our bones. And our blood. And our bowels. And our selves. For a long time...
Are you still with me? It's all connected. If you disagree, that's totally fine, but I'm convinced. Yet, I wasn't convinced when he told me to stop all forms of heat-building exercise or pranayama (breathwork). No fire breath, no step classes, no dance classes, no twists. Not even alternate nostril breathing breath.
Long story short (as my husband would say, "too late"), this man "read" my energy and told me I didn't need to sweat, I didn't need to condition my heart and lungs for health, that I needed to stop all exercise or else I would "end up like my brother" (who has ulcerative colitis, as if it's HIS fault). Oh, and strictly eat organic foods. In the 30 minutes, this expert never asked me any questions about my background or how I felt in that moment (um, really nervous by his holy, holy, holy energy, which translates to intimidated and not quite convinced about my decision or his opinions, hence my sweating and shallow breathing).
I gave him a few pieces of information, and frankly, I think he reverted to a chart in his head on how to deal with inflammation. Cool it off, swing from one extreme to another, skip the middle of the ground. Skip touching down to earth in finding a sense of balance.
In an ayurvedic world, I understand his reasoning to cool off my body, and I can honor the idea that "dis-ease" can be caused from stress or other emotional trauma (in my opinion, not always 100%). But, in a self-care, listen-to-my-gut world, which I believe take precedence over ayurveda (with all due respect), something felt too restrictive, too black/white. And, for someone who for years tried to change herself for the sake of pleasing others, the idea of changing my lifestyle in an extreme way felt really yucky.
I gave his suggestions some thought, but I let my gut, yes, my screaming belly tell me the truth. I will continue to exercise moderately, I will not do poses that hurt. I will aim to eat mindfully, but every head of broccoli or fudgy dessert might not be 100% organic. And, I might sweat. Kiss it!
Question the extremes. Question those who flock to extremes. Question the voice inside that screams with the desire for love instead of thrashing through another DIET OF FALSE HOPE. Listen to your body, listen to your heart. Listen to your questions, honor your voice. Listen to the wise part of you that knows what brings a smile to your face and peace to your heart.
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