On Beauty

When I Googled "beauty", then clicked images, the following photo was the first to appear among hundreds of other close-ups of smooth skin, wide sparkling eyes, glossy-pink lips, blown-out hair, and mostly pouts with just a smile here and there:

I do think this woman is physically beautiful, and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with a little makeup to highlight your face, and while I don’t necessarily wear tiaras out on the town, I’m all for moderate sparkly bits like diamonds and pearls.

But, I want to challenge Google, and I want to challenge you, and I want to keep challenging myself on how beauty is defined. In college, particularly surrounding the time of sorority rush, I repeatedly heard the phrase “she doesn’t work well with what she’s got.” I think you know, but that meant she wasn’t beautiful enough. Maybe she had a little acne, maybe she forgot to reapply her Mac Lipglass each hour, maybe she was curvier than what was accepted for a particular group, and maybe – God forbid – she didn’t own a strand of pearls to casually wear with her jeans and letters around campus.

I’m first to admit, I fell for wanting to fit in with how beauty was defined on my college campus. I ate tuna with yellow mustard straight from the can night after night for a period during my sophomore year. I smudged on dark eyeliner and stroke after stroke painted my eyelashes thick and black. I worked out twice a day and finally skipped my period for a couple months one summer which made me say “oh shit”. Slowly but surely, I started pulling back. I started asking the questions that led me to a new definition of beauty.

What do I really want? Who do I really enjoy? What and who exhaust me? How do I want to spend every day? Do I really like running? What if I simply say no to her request? Do I want children? Do I want a boyfriend right now? Why am I still subscribing to that belief? Etc. etc. etc. I spent the rest of my college career and my 20s single life experimenting with what truly felt good to me – not what was supposed to feel good to me. And, hey, I am still bobbing around with many questions – by no means am I done!

In no particular order, my new definition of beauty involves the themes:

Moderation – Moderation in pretty much everything – Personally, that would be exercise, sweets, social media, sundresses from Target, lululemon tops and pants – all those little cheap thrills!

Tolerance – Live and let be. I think that covers it. By the way, New York has recently become a Beauty-full state.

Flexibility – Aim to live in the gray and be flexible about your views and choices. What works for you works for you. I love the bumper sticker “Go with the flow.”

Truth – You’ve got to want to know the truth more than you want the fix, the instant gratification, the applause, the Bandaid. The truth works.

Leadership – Lead by example. Practice what you preach. Why not?

Unapologetic - Be unapologetic for the real you. Surround yourself with people who live this way gracefully and daily.

Authenticity – Keep asking the questions. Keep listening to your body, your belly, your breath, your spirit. Your answers lie within, be patient, stay true to yourself.

While the default definition of beauty might stir up visions of untouchable Victoria’s Secret supermodels or even a sprawling mansion among the cliffs of La Jolla, I challenge us to let our beauty initiate from our insides. We still don’t need to aim for perfection or being “right”. We don’t have to figure it out overnight. We can even enjoy some fruity lipstick colors and treat ourselves to a luxurious manicure here and there. The main idea is enough. See the quote below, then one last thing….

Lastly, as I write about beauty along the lines of self development and inner peace, I have an inkling that when it comes time to write about beauty again (see here as to why I’m writing about beauty in the first place), I will have a few more things to add to the list. Remember those questions I asked myself above? Well, I did want that boyfriend, and I met him, and I married him. And, we’re having a baby in about 3.5 weeks. Some people say you don’t know love or beauty until you become a parent. So, I’ll keep you posted.

I was inspired to write about Beauty due to the monthly Self-Discovery Word by Word Series started by Dr. Ashley Solomon over at http://www.nourishing-the-soul.com/ - Check out the details of this monthly blogging series here, and join if you'd like! This month's Self-Discovery Word by Word host is Valerie at http://www.balancingval.com/ - Love her writing - honest with beautiful photos to capture her truth!

Your Definition of Beauty?

A favorite coach/fitness expert of mine -- who I've followed for several years, who's uber creative with choreography, and whose energy and spirit exude optimism, light and confidence -- has made some changes to her appearance that make me stop, pause and think. She's beautiful now and she was beautiful then, but it makes me question: How much is too much? Where does one cross the line from loving movement and strength and energy and some soft makeup, to living off plain grilled chicken breasts and drowning themselves in beauty products and procedures?

I still adore this woman -- she's gotten thousands of women (and men) off the couch and into their bodies in a loving, enthusiastic way. She's one of those who taught me how not only movement or physical activity tunes us into our bodies (therein our lives) but also more specifically how resistance training teaches the invaluable lesson of body awareness. (And, no, not sculpting-perfect-body-awareness, just the good old-fashioned knowledge of becoming familiar with one's own structure, frame, muscles, strength and flexibility.)

Since I, like you, am bombarded with beauty messages and get-happy-quick tips on a daily basis, I think we have to define what truly works for ourselves on an individual basis. Through my personal training, I teach that we can find peace, joy and freedom through listening to our bodies, but that's not a quick fix to put you on a Milan runway overnight -- nor does it promise the "perfect" weight, Mr. Right around-the-corner, job security, 2.5 children, and a sense of peace for daily levitating. I believe we all have to define our sense of beauty -- from how far we'll go using beauty products, etc., to letting our inner light be Enough.

*Where do you draw a line in having pride in your appearance v. letting your beauty shine from the inside-out?

*How do you listen to your body, your energy, on a daily basis -- and sometimes a moment-to-moment basis -- to guide your sense of truth and peace?

*And, if you have a hard time listening to your body -- or if it's a foreign concept, why not give it a shot?

You might have seen this before, but someone sent this to me today, and it's a good reminder for us all to exhale -- and thank Dove for keeping it real!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kh7jsxi79pc

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