Moving with Change

Holding my Breath....

I'm supposed to be taking advantage of this "down time" by packing my apartment to prepare for my move on July 25. But, I'm having a really hard time getting it done, and I'm feeling those rumbling bubbles of anxiety in my belly.

Part of me thinks it's the nasty Procrastination Monster that nestles inside of me (just wait to the last minute!). Part of me thinks it's because I'll just pile up the boxes and not really move them out today (so why do any of it?). Part of me blames the dust bunnies for zapping my energy and depending on a wad of Kleenex for the past few mornings. Part of me knows I'm resisting change. Part of me dreads feeling vulnerable and naked - my kitty and me displaced from our ideally located bubble of safety and comfort. All of me knows it's a combination of all these things.

Jump!

When I moved to Atlanta after college graduation in 2002, I lived with three other girls while searching for my first official job, searching for my landing spot, searching for something that might define me.

When I left a job two years ago that paid well along with comfy benefits, it was my choice to jump into the deepend of self-employment. My lifevest was about four months savings. Sink or Swim.

When I accepted a marriage proposal from Nick this past March, I knew more change, more plunges were on the horizon. As July rolls by, I'm inching closer and closer to that change: I'm moving about 15 miles north into my fiancé's house. My four-year-old "City the Kitty" is going with me and will meet her canine brother Bowden and canine sister Chloe (please cross your fingers the hisses, barks and scratches stay to a bare minimum).

Exhale and Move

I know that my pictures won't be organized, and my clothes won't be boxed, and my dishes won't be carefully wrapped just by the twitch of my nose. All of the picking up, piling, stacking, wrapping, packing and taping signify an uprooting. And, before that happens, I can feel the tightness in my body, the holding of my breath. It's like last night when I was with a client - she needed some grounding after a long few days, but I knew she was leaving her home after our session - So, we stayed on the floor for some gentle movement and grounding for about 25 minutes, but I slowly and gently had her stand and Be and hold and stretch. I sensed she needed to feel grounded yet eventually ready to move on with her evening at the same time.

I need the same thing right now. I think I need more rest when I'm more anxious (ha, can I use this excuse the rest of the year since my wedding isn't until December?). Along with that rest, I need to gently transition to release the nervous energy, to unleash the stored rattle of wonder (about our pets, my commute, my relationship(s)). I need movement, I need action, I need to continue moving along with the next step.

I'm proud to be able to step back and recognize what's happening. Instead of either cruising through my packing at lightning speed and becoming a tired, worn-out monster - or - completely freezing still until 6am on July 25 then thinking "I Must Pack!", I'm meeting myself in the middle. I see the change unfolding, and I recognize my anxiety as the normal sign of all my feelings regarding change - of feeling vulnerable, of wondering about the unknowns (the not-so-good and the Great!). Just stepping back and recognizing what all the nervous buzz is about helps me to move forward, to get things done in a reasonable timeframe, and to know that I am supported by a patient, kind, generous, loving partner fuels my sense of moving forward.

So, next time Procrastination bites you, or perhaps next time Anxiety rumbles in your belly, take a step back, give your body and spirit some time to reflect on what you need, then gently move forward with the change. Go with the flow.

(to be continued....)