Smile in Your Liver

Last Thursday, I was asked to sub a yoga class at a corporate facility. Sure, I thought. The opportunity slid in perfectly to my morning schedule following a personal training session. Then, I would have a break for home office time, then I had another class scheduled for the evening. The lovely thing about my schedule is the flexibility; the good-and-not-so-good is the unpredictability - a fine balance of planning, faith, juggling and presence.

Early Thursday morning, my 10a client called and cancelled due to illness. No problem, we rescheduled. I had an extra hour of office time before the yoga class, which is always a luxury because it gave me plenty of time to find the appropriate parking garage downtown and navigate the maze to the fitness center.

Once I figured out the correct set of elevators that actually took me into a building rather than up and down, up and down the parking garage floors, I found the studio space tucked away downstairs after passing through the locker room. I expect the challenges of parking and building security, but the rest that follows always surprises me.

I had about ten minutes before class started, found the stereo system, inserted my Karunesh cd, found an appropriate volume, signed the log-in notebook, and then I attempted to turn off the lights and fan. While I found the fan switch, I had a feeling the lack of light switches meant the bright bulbs were motion activated. Great.

I called the front desk, and sure enough, one of the club managers said that once we all got settled, the lights would go out. Sure, I thought once again - no problem. I grabbed my mat, some notes for class, and headed to my mat to wait on the members. A handful of people came in, and one young woman came without a mat. I directed her to the closet which was full of rolled green, turquoise, purple and pink mats.

Once class started, we fell into a warmup groove (subs have to get comfortable with new faces, and those new faces must accept the surprise of a sub!). I thought the next 45 minutes would breeze by...things felt fine. Yet, three more people came in five minutes later. The young woman who'd borrowed a yoga mat from the closet happened to be using the mat of the Tall Late Woman. The TLW towered over the young redhead and pretty much demanded the return of her mat. No sign marked the mats as personal - so after a clean, swift discussion that the mats were not for public use, the young redhead grabbed another person's mat (who never showed, thank goodness), and we got started.

We fell into another groove, and the lights went out. After warming up in Easy Pose with a variety of breath, shoulder, neck and posture work, we moved into Cat-Cow. And, the lights flipped on. Shoot! I told myself to breathe, go with the flow, and continued hoping the room would darken again (and for good) in a few minutes. After a series of opposite arm/opposite leg work, we rested in Child's Pose, and the lights dimmed again giving us a peaceful setting without glaring overhead lights. But, as soon as we started our breathwork with arm circles, the darn lights popped out again!

This light-on, light-off cycle continued throughout class. And, to frost the cake of the class, the lifters in the weight room upstairs neglected to squat to release their dumbbells and barbells - it sounded like a hundred He-Mans were pumping iron and dropping it upstairs. However, through our planks, downward dogs, warriors and triangles, I never lost that sense of hope for peace without bright lights and clanky booms, and we even laughed a little at the jolts of surprise. But, overall, my eyes and ears were taunted and haunted me to the end - I cringed at the lights and jumped at the iron falling upstairs.

Once class ended, and once I ran from one elevator to the other retracing my steps to my car, I remembered the small luxuries - the familiarity and safety of my car, my drive home filled with people watching on the streets, my four-hour break before my next appointment, actually touching Earth and inhaling fresh air after feeling a tinge of isolation and claustrophobia in the parking garage and building maze.

One might think a class filled with a little "that's-my-mat" drama and flickering lights would sour a person's day or experience of teaching yoga. But, the unfamiliarity and nerve-pinching surprises during that hour and a half actually grounded me. I stayed present and breathed through the nuisances trying my best to keep them at a safe distance from my sanity.

And, perhaps others might think "big deal" about the choppy class, but whether you are naturally a sensitive person or are a regular yogi, nuances as well as nuisances can trigger huge emotional spills. Tidal waves that drench your day if you don't keep them at bay.

So whether it's an interrupted yoga class or a day filled with late appointments, car issues, cancelled dates, forgotten phone calls, babies crying - take a step back and appreciate the fact these wrinkles keep you present. Let go of total control, recognize the beauty and predictability of change, appreciate the small blessings, and give thanks to the gift of breath.

I write this blurb after not being able to sleep after a long day. Usually, I plan for more balance, less pressure (I know me: I never claim to be Superwoman - I'm too sensitive for towering expectations). Yet - after five hour-long appointments at four different locations from 930am to 830pm - at the end of the day, I was naturally exhausted, yet early in the day I promised myself the gift of presence no matter how the day unfolded - lights, fans, moody participants, traffic, to-do lists. Luckily, my hour-to-hour, moment-to-moment mindfulness kept me present with myself and with my clients. Thankfully, my day graced by without wrinkles, spots or messes - the light shined in a good way!

Whatever might be happening in your day - keep things in perspective - go back to the basics: Breathe, don't take things too seriously, and know everything changes. One of my favorite quotes is by a healer in the book Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert: “To meditate,” he says, “only you must smile. Smile with face, smile with mind, and good energy will come to you and clean away dirty energy. Even smile in your liver.”

Ebbs and Flows

Today's Thursday. Tomorrow's Friday - TGIF - Hallelujah! But, why always race to the end? What's wrong with the middle or the beginning? The mundane Mondays, turtle Tuesdays, when-is-it-gonna-end Wednesdays....

A dear friend wrote me earlier mentioning the gray day outside and how it was a challenge to concentrate, to stay productive and flowing. You know, I think the day contains ebbs and flows. Like weeks, months, years, seasons. The day does too.

Therefore, I think music is important if it helps you to crawl out of a funk. Or a bubble bath, or brushing your teeth, or changing clothes, or dancing around, or running to Target for a *cheap* errand. You know, just moving a little, whether it's a little task, an errand, a fitness/dance class or soccer game, a load of laundry, etc. - it sort of whooshes around your energy to give you a better perspective. And, seeing other people definitely reminds you (or me at least!) that we're all in this together. The mundane is inevitable...you just gotta shake it up! Give yourself variety and comfort!

Safe Space to Breathe, Be & Believe

To expand on my resolution post below, I want to shed light on kindness, grace, love and hope...and letting those things sink into our being, our skin, our conscious everyday. Sometimes I feel a bit Pollyanna-ish, or "Charlotte Idealist", or a Make-Love-Not-War Flower-Child-Type. But, I'm certainly far from being naive or ignorant.

I know life's full of ebbs and flows. One of my best friends, Jessica, and I remind each other to "whirl, whirl, whirl", which basically means to let it happen, go with the flow, release the worry, go with it, have fun. Even though we're on opposite sides of the country, we can sense each other's waves - tidal, whirlpool, or tsunami-like - throughout the day, week, month. We support each other and serve as reminders to keep things in perpsective. To laugh, to let go, to love, to give in.

How blessed I am to have her in my life. We're sensitive people, strong friends. Yet, I know we're not the only ones who feel the intensity of living, the weight of the world. Everyone has a story, and I hope everyone is lucky enough to have such rich, loving, tender friendships to make sense of the stories, the lifelines, the ups and downs, the questions, the joys, the sadness, the wonder.

Each time I go to my favorite yoga studio, when we're asked what we need that day, I mention my shoulders. Shoulders, shoulders, shoulders. Tight, sore, achy, overworked. Then, I usually mention I need the F word - Focus. (Gotta admit pretty proudly: I'm getting pretty darn good at asking for what I want!) Once in my safe space, I realize how much I truly need from that hour and a half.

See, I admittedly and frequently feel scattered (ideas, to-do lists, shoulds) and worried (ideas, to-do lists, shoulds). And, funny thing is that typically, my heavy stress is all a bunch of a Fluff. Things I can't control, things I shouldn't try to control, things that steal my being: my presence, my awareness, my consciousness, my grace.

What if, instead of worrying and weighing heavy with wonder, I let it go? What if I practice letting in more love and hope everyday? What if I actually do what I wish and hope and pray and write? What if I unlock the hope, the light, the possibility of all things good? What if I let it out of my head and actually let it settle into my bones, my cells, my muscles, my blood, my skin, my energy?

What if, instead of giving so much attention to worry and dread and negativity, I say a quick hello to the energy-drainers and just let them pass by like junkmail I don't need? How much room would that make for more of the good, the real stuff, the things that could actually serve as wheels to continue moving my life forward in the direction I want?

To do this, I know I must breathe. I can write the words, talk the talk, but as we all say, can she really walk the walk? And, a very wise person tells me that in order to really breathe, to consciously and carefully breathe, we must feel safe. Practice makes perfect, right? (or, we can aim for almost-perfect)

So, I'm suggesting a mantra for the new year. Or, why not a few mantras? Short mantras that when said aloud, will warm the lips, warm the mouth, warm the breath, warm the neck, warm the brain, warm the shoulders, warm the belly, warm the hips, warm the thighs, warm the heels, warm the toes - warm it all enough to safely release. Release the weight, release the filler. Inhale the grace, exhale the waste. Inhale and exhale until true awareness sets in to know your own truth, the good truth, possible truth, the loving truth.

Here are some short mantras I hope you can find useful in your own safe space and, hopefully, throughout your day:

Okay.

Ease.

Grace.

All is well.

Divinity.

Peace.

Words & Movement: Let Your Body Tell Its Story

Words & Movement: Let Your Body Tell Its Story
Awaken Awareness, Conclude with Compassion, Dance through Life

Everyone’s body has a story to tell. As people transform into adults, they tend to lose touch with their inherent creativity and expressive nature. Somewhere along the way, most people lose their natural connection to their body and stay stuck in their heads. Imagine if everyone lived in their body and loved it! During the month of February, EDIN (Eating Disorders Information Network) is hosting Love Your Body Month. There will be a variety of events and workshops offered, which are described in detail on their Web site, www.myedin.org. One of the events planned for the month is a workshop that will allow people to re-awaken their connection to their bodies through movement and writing. The event is free and will be held February 9 from 10:30 a.m. to 1 p.m. at the YWCA at 957 N. Highland Ave. NE. Sandy Bramlett, a Nia blackbelt instructor, will lead the movement portion of the workshop, and Caroline Correll, journalist and mind/body trainer, will lead the writing portion. Everyone is invited to let their body tell its story. For more information, please email me: carolineflow@gmail.com

Peace in 2008

Happy New Year 2008! A blog wouldn't be complete without some thoughts about resolutions. For my personal resolutions, I tend to shy away from huge behavior changes and instead lean toward positive affirmations and to continue my own journey of more love, less fear.

Some recent thoughts or mantras:

* Everyone has a story. Release judgment, focus on flexibility.
* Release anxiety and worry, open yourself to love and possibility.
* Gentle grace.
* Let in love.
* Give thanks.

These are just a few thoughts that have popped up recently in my life and in my own daily writing exercise. I'll piggyback Elizabeth Gilbert, author of Eat Pray Love, and suggest her daily writing exercise. This ritual works wonders:

* Write this sentence and fill in the blank: "I really really really want...." Don't be afraid to write everything and anything.
* Write your happiest moment of everyday. Let it remind you of what truly nourishes you.
* Write your daily mantra. It can change from day to day, or it can remain the same all week long. You can have one mantra or ten. Make it positive. Let in the love.

Peace in 2008.

lite tunes

Debi's Swirls from Art Night '07 - They remind me of this music!

Some people in class have been asking about a recent soundtrack I burned from iTunes. Here ya go! (song title, artist)

Breathe, Telepopmusik
Porcelain, Moby
Late Morning Lullaby, Brandi Carlile
White Flag, Dido
Here with Me, Dido
Answer, Sarah McLachlan
By Your Side, Sade
In God's Hands, Nelly Furtado
Where the Streets Have No Name, U2
Bittersweet Symphony, The Verve
Hallelujah, Brandi Carlile
Thank You, Dido

Blueberries, Blackberries and Purpleberries

I love blackberries. My sister and her kids praise blueberries, but I vote for blackberries. And, really, they are purpleberries, but I’ll try not to make it a big deal.

I’m having a hard time right now. Lots of thoughts for writing and work, lots of to-do lists, lots of ahas! But, I’m distracted. I’ve been bitten by the P word again. Perfect. Trying to make everything “just so” before moving forward, before pitching an idea or pitching another piece. That reminds me of the phrase “like so” when someone’s trying to explain something. My brother and I had this conversation on the phone the other day – Years ago, at the Y in Simpsonville, the gym floor manager was showing my brother Sam and his friends all the equipment, but Sam was distracted because he kept saying “like so”. I can imagine the smartbutt bubbles over Sam’s head, probably something like “this guy’s a rat on a Cheeto”….

Obviously, I have a hard time focusing in the afternoon. Give me morning anytime, but the afternoon is for blueberry people!

So to get unstuck today, I read Julia Cameron’s The Right to Write while drying my hair. On page 103, Cameron describes writer friends giving her the advice to post a sign by her desk reading: “OK, Universe. You take care of the quality, I’ll take care of the quantity.” Another excuse to use a Post-It. Another reminder that it’s not all about me. Another reminder of a dear mentor who tells me regularly that her work is spiritual – like a channel. Don’t force it, let it flow.

Maybe the point is to accept that I’m distracted in the afternoon and should probably take that necessary nap, accept that a rat on a Cheeto is inevitable, accept that Little Ellie and Big Boy Harris love blueberries and not purpleberries, accept that I have to remind myself to ease up on myself, my work, my ideas. Accept that I’ll never have my own perfect flow.

Just be sometimes.





Be authentic with yourself and others.

Prioritize self care.
Listen to your inner voice.
Live with intention.
From: http://womansoul.com/aboutrebecca.html

Actions v. Words

Do Actions Speak Louder than Words? Well, if you're like me, you might hesitate because you're drawn to language. Lovely phrases, silky sentences, solid statements, and truth.

I just sent one of my best friends, Jessica, a collection of Rumi poems for her birthday. I'm re-reading Eat Pray Love for the pleasure of Elizabeth Gilbert's blend of detail, wit, and tenderness. Daily, I copy and paste quotes into my "favorite quotes" file, then I tend to print them and wince at my borderline tacky desk covered with dozens of Post-Its and taped poems. I can't help it, this is where I find sturdiness and stillness.

...Except one more place. If I give myself the chance to breathe, to stop holding my breath, to actually be in my body and move it wherever it wishes -- whether that's a step class, some stretches on my floor, a few Pilates moves, a walk in Piedmont Park -- I find that rhythm, that poetry, that flow, that truth. Sometimes it's choppy, sometimes a time-to-take-up-space range of motion, sometimes an amazing gentleness I'm beginning to discover more and more. What matters is that I go with what feels right to me at the time. Whether I'm leading a class, taking a class, or doing my own work, picking up the rhythm and staying true to its needs takes me where I need to go.

I can print poems from the web and clip phrases from magazines all day and all night. But, moving with my own urges allows the feelings to move around, to express themselves, to eventually make their own words. Living in the head, living in the words, or living in the thoughts and intentions make great ideas and even greater fantasies. Stepping inside your body, getting to know your boundaries, embracing your space, and actually showing up for others when you say you will honors that great cliche - Actions DO speak louder than Words.

Make those words, thoughts and intentions your actions. Move your body, see where it takes you. As Sark says, "Step inside and begin living it". For yourself, then others.


Now, to quote Rumi:

Dance, when you're broken open
Dance, if you've torn the bandage off
Dance in the middle of the fighting
Dance in your blood
Dance, when you're perfectly free.

It's Raining Men - (or is it?)

Good morning and happy Fall! I'm so excited for the fall season and frequently find myself daydreaming about cooler temperatures....but, then I remind myself to "dream on" until at least November.

Along with daydreaming, I've been researching and brainstorming for the film project described below. My co-producer Anchi (pictured here) and I have been interviewing a string of courageous people, and we feel very blessed for people to share their stories of truth and courage in healing.

However, we still need MEN! We'd love to talk to men who are willing to share their stories of hope and recovery in overcoming their body/diet wars. If you'd like to chat but you're not sure you want to be on camera, that's completely fine. Send me an email anyway (carolineflow@gmail.com), and please pass on the word! Our goal is to bring the issue of disordered eating to light (shave off the "taboo" aspect) as well as shine light on the road to recovery.

Thank you for your help,

Caroline

Your Story?

Hi all ~

I'm interested in gaining feedback from you. Along with my friend at www.phonomenalvideo.com, I am working on producing a piece of work highlighting the emotional eating recovery process. We would love to hear your unique feedback. Please email me at carolineflow@gmail.com !

-----------------------------------

Thank you in advance for helping with this research. We are producing a video highlighting the recovery process for those affected by disordered eating. This includes those who personally struggle with disordered eating as well as those who have been closely involved (family, friends, mentors, coaches, therapists).

While there are many videos defining different types of disordered eating, we feel it’s important to show that recovery and “the other side” is possible. Because no recovery path is identical to another, we want to show an array of stories. Additionally, we feel the truth works, therefore, we understand the need to show realistic angles – the ups, the downs, the middle-of-the-road days, etc. Most importantly, we want to hear your unique truth, your insight, your hopes. Thank you.

------------------------------------

Optional info:
Name:

Required info:
Age:
Gender:
Cultural background:

Regarding the body wars or emotional eating, please answer the following questions. Feel free to write as much or as little as you want:

What did you overcome? Or, what are you overcoming? (the problem/dysfunction)

How did you overcome it (therapy, reading, group support, relationships, etc.)?

What was your turning point in wanting to stick to recovery?

How do you define recovery?

What has been the greatest challenge(s) in this process?

How are you today? What is your reality?

Do you consider yourself a “success story” (beating the odds, beating your own beliefs, etc.)?

What would you like others to know?

During your recovery journey, did/do you think a self-help, educational video on recovery, would help? If so, what messages would you like to have seen? And/or, what do you think should not be shown in a recovery video?

If you are able and willing and to share your story on camera in the Atlanta area, please provide your contact information below. Thank you.

Name:
Phone:
Email:

www.mybodyflow.com

Hi all!

Please visit http://www.mybodyflow.com/ -- My friend, AnChi Pho at http://www.phonomenalvideo.com/, shot the video...We have plans to produce and post a variety of mind-body exercises very soon, so stay tuned!

Take care,
Caroline

Sleep-FULL in Seattle!

My bright friend, Jessica, is moving to Seattle in August. While I'm sad to see her go, I'm happy for new beginnings. While I know she's only a plane ride away, or a quick message on facebook, or a private juicy email about our latest dates (or nightmare-ish dates, more like it lately), I hope to take a piece of her bright spirit, staunch determination and kind spirit along with me everyday.

All the best to you, Miss Jess. Keep up with T, keep seeking your truth, and as always: "no one's the boss of you". (wink) Much love.

Translate P to T and E

Wow, I'm about to take my own advice here, except it's not really my advice but from Natalie Goldberg, author of Writing Down the Bones. Instead of justifying or explaining my lapse in contributing to my own blog, I'll write some notes Goldberg gives:

Writing Ideas and Tips from Writing Down the Bones:
*Pick up the rhythms around you.
*Breathe deeply.
*Go for the jugular. If it's scary or naked, dive right into it; it probably has lots of energy.
*Capture the oddities of your mind.
*First thoughts have tremendous energy.
*Sit down with the least expectation of yourself. Say: "I am free to write the worst junk in the world." Give yourself the space to write a lot without destination.
*If the process is good, the end will be good. You will get good writing.

These tips correlate to your body/spirit energy, too. If you're like me, the P word haunts you. Perfectionism. So, whether you're writing or dancing or brainstorming or organizing, use these tips. Go with the flow. Allow some room for the T word. Trust. And, while you're at it, get to know the E word. Enough. You are enough. You can trust your work, your ideas, your being. Your flow is enough.

Oprah, we use our spirit wars to prey on our own flesh!

Good evening. Well, I'm in Chicago training for a new job, and well, if I'm in Chicago, guess who's on my mind? Oprah! If anyone knows how to get tickets to her show, please let me know! I'll drop everything and anything to go anytime! Recently, I even had a dream I went to Harpo, so maybe I'm getting closer!

In the meantime, I just sent the Oprah team my thoughts, and believe me, this isn't the first time. But, I'll keep trying. Wonder if they read them?


Dear Oprah team,

I'm writing to express my continuous gratitude for the messages you send and to propose and idea.

I'm a single 26-year-old woman who's just trying to "figure it out" along with everyone else. One of the greatest tools I use is journaling. When I was 11 or 12 years old, I remember watching Oprah on the floor of my family den; Oprah mentioned the best advice she could give was to keep a journal, and I've had one ever since.

Writing is like breathing to me, and I'm grateful to have this creative and therapeutic outlet to seek my own truth. Luckily, through my soul-searching-writing I've discovered my passion to raise awareness of the mind/body connection. I want more people, and especially women, to respect and listen to their bodies.

Sure, we can talk about celebs' eating disorders, but what about the millions of real women suffering from bad body image and disconnect? Let's seek the root of the matter: the truth, the appetites, the self. The living fully, or as you might say "living your best life".

Please consider my thoughts:

"I think seeking your truth can be scary because we are afraid to be the best we can be, we're afraid of blooming, we fear having happiness because we're so used to pain. But, I say maybe we're here to experience our own heavens on Earth. Everyday. In our own way.

It might be hard to believe or grasp when other messages have bombarded you for years. But, I love the simple, famous quote: 'If it is to be, it is up to me.'

We shouldn't be afraid of taking up our own true space. I think we either eat to fill up the space because we're afraid our 'being' or our self is too big, so we make our bodies big; and/or we're afraid of our appetites because they reflect our selves that feel too big, so we purge; and/or we are so afraid of taking up space, we starve. We use our spirit wars to prey on our own flesh.

Think about your self. Let that shine. Let your self take up space. Put all the dieting and food obsession into the *gentle* journey of your own truth. Not obsessive but *gentle* journey. Find the support you need to step out there, ask for what you want, and work for it."

While I think you all do a wonderful job on promoting strong senses of self, let's take the fear of our bodies (dieting, aging, growing, shrinking, etc.) and focus on embracing the possibility of going beyond the body wars and living colorful, fulfilling lives.

Best,
Caroline

Appetites: What are you hungry for?

Appetites. And, while Thanksgiving is around the corner, I'm not talking turkey. Think about it this way: Where are you stuck? A relationship, a job, lack of a hobby or passion, health?

What's stopping you from asking for more, for less, for something different, for something new? Fear, confusion, the not-good-enoughs? Instead of being overwhelmed or scared of having more good in your life, ease into it. Open yourself to recognizing things that would truly warm your spirit, then slowly open yourself to receiving those things.

You don't need to pull out last week's Halloween mask and scare yourself into changing. Make small changes, realize you're good enough to step out of the stuck-keep-it-small-and-safe box. Step into the open-bring-it-on-because-it's-time world.

Think Strong and Happy, not Sculpted and Stressed

Good morning.

I received an enlightening reminder today from yogajournal.com. Since I teach fitness classes, I try to constantly remind my participants to listen to their bodies. It's so easy to join a class and try to compete with a neighbor, or the instructor, or one's self! And, there's nothing wrong with wanting to improve yourself or sweat hard during your workout session. Yet, aiming for cutthroat standards can #1) get old and boring, and #2) be harmful to your inner peace and physical strength.

Since the message I received arrives via email in newsletter format, I searched for a link of archives on the yogajournal website but no such luck. Therefore, I am sourcing this next passage in pink as yogajournal.com material, not mine:

"Seek Strong, Not Sculpted, Abs"
In the American way of thinking, hard, flat abdomnal muscles are the embodiment of a healthy physique. But while strong, toned core muscles support good health, they may not be as important as Western culture would lead us to believe.

Too much belly fat is unhealthy. However, working too hard to eliminate fat can also cause serious problems. For the 10 percent of us who are actually capable of acquiring them, six-pack abs come at a price: reduced flexibility and freedom of movement. Women who work the abs too much can suffer estrogen depletion, bone weakness, and fractures. Overdoing abs exercises can also lead to a flattening of the lumbar curve, creating a weakened spinal structure.

So if you've been striving to tone your abs so you look like an underwear model, maybe now is a good time to shift your focus. The next time you practice Navasana (Boat Pose) think about how much better you'll feel when you've gained core strength, not how much better you'll look the next time swimsuit season rolls around.

You can relate this idea to any sort of exercise -- matter of fact, you can relate it to life. Try not to overextend yourself. There's always a middle road to walk on -- to balance, to breathe, to trust, to go with the flow in the mind and heart -- it doesn't always have to be the edge.

Saturday morning

Hello ~ Saturday morning, and I'm finally posting again. A glitch has blocked me from writing, so I hope it works this time. So many ideas flicker through my mind lately, and people and circumstances seem to be backing me. Thank goodness.

For example, I'm starting my own "gentle" on-site personal training business catered toward those with eating/image/exercise challenges -- Thursday I received a passing score for another certification, and just this morning a yoga instructor called me to discuss business and ideas! I meant to get settled in for a nap because I woke up so early, but now I'm thinking of going to the park to let the sunshine settle some of my excitement and flowing brainstorming!

In case you're wondering, things do happen, things do turn around. Last summer, my favorite high school English teacher Betty Fleming sent me Naomi Wolf's The Treehouse, and I got stuck on the first lesson: "Be still and listen." It took a few months (yes, several months) to become un-stuck, to combine my loves and passions, to know those things were true and possible, and to continue reading the book!

Since I started listening to my gut, listening to what really feels good and not just "right", I've met amazing, encouraging, genuine people. So, if you're struggling to find peace and "okayness" in the world and those alarm signals show up in exercise or diet obsession (or any obsession: men, shopping, that job, that grade, that acceptance letter, etc.), again things do turn around. If you're passionate and want to make every day count in its own special way, or if you want to experience that passion and zest for life, then listen. Get still and listen. Try to ease into the okayness of today instead of constantly yearning for the future, but acknowledge the goodness of today. Take the details and the warmth, and put them together on your journey toward your best self.

.....20 minutes later. Okay, here's the deal. I just lost 20 minutes worth of writing. Something's up with this posting section, so I want to jet before I lose anymore work. (My sister will love that I just used "jet". Now, I will know when she's read this.) I have a few more thoughts re: A) a Renoir painting Caroline Knapp highlights in Appetites: Why Women Want. B) Lisa Sarasohn's The Woman's Belly Book, and C) a story about a man striving for nirvana....

Perhaps those thoughts will come later this evening. Take care.

The Curl of a Leaf

The Curl of a Leaf

My favorite walking meditation takes place in a historic community just a few bounds away from my midtown apartment. The kind of neighborhood where roads roll quietly over humble hills and snake around elegant dollhouse homes. Something about this wide, winding pavement and dainty nook of homes grounds me, lets me come home – I crave the grounding of Magnolia and Oak tree roots, solidity of the stone-encrusted brick, and hope of the century-old address posts stuck haphazardly in thick green lawns.

After double-knotting my shoes, tuning into soulful rock, and securing my earphones, I find a hill to climb to stretch my legs and feel my pipes warm with steady whiffs of air. It’s not long before my sunglasses slide off my face, sweat dangles on my nose, and I’m going too fast. I need to stretch my hip flexors and calves, ground myself. I need to stop and pay attention to the emerald green curl of the magnolia leaf. Just a leaf, but what presence and girth and aliveness, such a staunch yet relaxed sense of self.

As I stop to stretch and gaze at more surroundings, what safety comes from standing underneath a crowd of oak trees. Like a bunch of old souls saying, “be, just be, you’re okay.” Then, as I stand straight and end my private pep talk among the oaks, I lift my chest, hold my head high and start tick-tocking down the sidewalk again. Tick, tock, squish, stomp, pat, pat, pat….

But, wait, no more smooth sidewalk. Tree roots take over my path but more like a dinosaur has just crunched over the cement leaving crumbles of once-hexagonal stepping stones. More roots. More cracks. I wonder what little worlds live between the roots and beneath the pavement. Maybe little chipmunk hideouts, maybe magical kingdoms for bugs and worms. I waiver and balance myself over the threatening shapes jutting up in the air, daring me to look up and away. I sort of like the challenge, the swaying. Then, I pause.

Stop going so fast. Check out the original glass in the oversized front window – puddles of color etched in the glass sway together like curvy bodies grooving. Move an inch, and new shapes form nearly blinding your view of the foyer. You see a mirror though, a long hallway, the rest is left to your imagination. Did a gardener arrange the geraniums spilling over the terra cotta pots, or did the man just cruising in on his road bike? Maybe the banker got his hands dirty, or maybe the woman with her little white dog?

Moving on again. Smooth sidewalks ahead. This time, I keep my head raised high, and I slow down. There’s a certain healing to slowing down, a magic in stillness. Kind of like the first time you learn about stretching, meditation and yoga – maybe thinking it’s for people who are naturally laid back, who are naturally still. For people who can’t run marathons or turn cartwheels in step class. Then, the marathon runners hear yoga helps breathing and concentration, and the step maniacs try purple mats for a day instead of purple risers – both experiencing a miracle.

They still walk away from their workouts floating on a cloud, it’s just a different kind. Maybe instead of a choppy cumulus, a free-flowing cirrus hovers over them like a blanket of “okay” protection. Think presence in lieu of competition: The runners learn it’s not all about beating the clock but more about appreciating their toes for gentle balance, heels for plunging forward, quadriceps for power, hips for stabilization, shoulders for confidence, and eyes for absorbing the ride. The step enthusiasts slow down enough to pay attention to the placement of the heel on the step, the chance to let out the inner dance child, the awareness of moving for feelings not for exhaustion, and the lightness of floating through class with the surrounding buzz of people.

Again, there’s a certain healing to slowing down, a safety in roots, a magical healing in the details. What’s the rush for anyway? Be thankful for the crumbles in the sidewalk; you slow down to embrace the smell of honeysuckle, and the little critters in the cracks below take comfort in the protection of their own little cities. Be thankful for the Saturday road race that makes you take the detour – you discover a new path, and the runners might just be enjoying the experience of running unabashedly through the city, no pressure for once, just presence.

These simple things – the curl of a leaf, a crumbled sidewalk, sweat dripping, freshly planted flowers – contain an “okayness”, a security of the innocence yet strength of nature. Forget the constant drama – the winner, the loser, the phone call, the red lights, the conforming, the competition – because they’re little trinkets, little ornaments that slightly define you, your life, your being. The real stuff doesn’t have to be so hard, so taxing, so nail-biting. Trust where you are right now in your natural-already-okay-good-enough self. Pay attention. Be grounded in the root of your self.

Caroline Correll’s vision is for people to respect body wisdom and uniqueness. She encourages presence and the “listen to your body” approach toward herself and others in fitness classes throughout Atlanta.

Welcome

Thanks again for visiting my blog -- I decided to create a blog because of my own experiences not trusting my body's signals. After finally reaching out and listening with the help of a local nonprofit EDIN, http://www.edin-ga.org, I feel so much more peace and excitement for life.

About me: I'm 25, grew up in South Carolina and currently work in television news production. While my tv experience has been beneficial, I'm moving toward educating and healing others in trusting their own body wisdom. I plan to use my idea of "FLOW" personal training -- Functional, Light, One-on-One Workout. (if you're interested, please email carolineflow@gmail.com for more information)

I love: interviewing people, teaching and taking fitness classes, tv bloopers, game night with funny friends so we can act like total goofs, entertaining friends, going to sleep early.

I hope my stories, writing, favorite quotes and encouragement help you to stay in tune with your body and spirit. Take good care of yourself.

“Begin at once to live, and count each separate day as a separate life.” Seneca, Roman philosopher, mid-1st century AD